Did you ever have something to say but could not get it from your head to your mouth? Have you ever wished you could say what was on your mind but a cat ran by and suddenly you didn’t have a tongue that could form the words? Have you ever been placed in a position to speak your mind and all you wanted to do was run and hide behind someone much more eloquent than you? Have you ever wished you were that eloquent person?
I’m a ponderer. I always have something stirring around up in my brain. I usually have a thought or opinion about the things going on around me. But, I rarely speak out. Sure, I could blame it on being an introvert. That is true. It is also true that somewhere between the thought and the tongue I forget what I was going to say. If I am asked a direct question something in my brain goes wonky and the gears start creaking. I’ve never understood why. I’ve called it stage fright even though I don’t have to be on a stage. I’ve blamed it on fear and perfectionism and people pleasing. Who knows?
I do know that I’ve been talking to God about it. I’ve asked Him to heal whatever it is that is causing it.
This past summer I was at a bible study and there was a call for prayer at the end. You could ask for specific prayers or just receive a word from the person praying as God directed them to pray. For those of you who may not know, that is a prophetic prayer. It’s not fortune-telling or telling the future or anything like that. It is listening to God and then praying over the person in front of you what God places on your heart for them. It is usually speaking to their identity a word of encouragement or something about their life or calling that God wants to touch. I decided that I’d go up and see what God had for me. I didn’t know these people who were praying so if the prayer resonated I would know it was from Him.
That is when God sent me a very clear message about what I had talked to Him about. I didn’t write everything down but I remember the gist of it. The woman said she sensed that God was pouring oil in the gears in my head. She saw that they had become rusty and were stuck and then He was anointing them with oil that was loosening the gears and causing them to work like they were designed. She said that He was filling my mouth with His words which would begin to flow freely.
Keep in mind that this woman did not know me. She had no reason to pray a prayer like that other than a word from God. No one in that setting knew that information about me. Only one person in the room even knew a little about me and that was not something I had shared with her.
God was beginning a process…
Fast forward to the day I painted this picture. Fast forward to the moment I am standing at the front of the room taking my turn listening to what others saw in my picture. “He wants to heal someone…since you painted it…you pray for her.” Me? In front of all these people? They are my friends, but YIKES! What if I stumble over my words? What if I forget my dear friends name? What if my prayer doesn’t make sense? What if… “He wants to use you to pray for healing.” Yes! I would love that! BUT! What if I don’t know what to pray? What if I stumble over my words?
And then a few days later another friend asks if I might ever be interested in joining her at an event on a prayer ministry or prophetic team. Uh, yeah…BUT! Why is there always a big BUT? What if I mess up? What if I can’t get the words out? What if I don’t know what to say? What if I don’t hear God well enough? What if I freeze?
Somewhere between those two exchanges I realized something else God was showing me in this painting I had painted with Him. He had shown me that He has given me a voice and He is going to show me how to use it. He is going to fill my mouth with His words. I don’t know if it will be spoken words or words on a page, but He has given me a voice and He intends for me to use it. While I was searching for scriptures for my painting for a completely different reason, He showed me these scriptures about another one of His kids who needed to find their voice. We had just painted a good majority of this scene. 🙂
Then Moses answered and said, “But suppose they will not believe me or listen to my voice; suppose they say, ‘The Lord has not appeared to you.’”
2 So the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?”
He said, “A rod.”
3 And He said, “Cast it on the ground.” So he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from it. 4 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Reach out your hand and take it by the tail” (and he reached out his hand and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand), 5 “that they may believe that the Lord God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has appeared to you.”
6 Furthermore the Lord said to him, “Now put your hand in your bosom.” And he put his hand in his bosom, and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous, like snow.7 And He said, “Put your hand in your bosom again.” So he put his hand in his bosom again, and drew it out of his bosom, and behold, it was restored like his other flesh.8 “Then it will be, if they do not believe you, nor heed the message of the first sign, that they may believe the message of the latter sign. 9 And it shall be, if they do not believe even these two signs, or listen to your voice, that you shall take water from the river[a]and pour it on the dry land. The water which you take from the river will become blood on the dry land.”
10 Then Moses said to the Lord, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.”
11 So the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? 12 Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.” (Exodus 4:1-12)
14 So the Lord said to Moses: “Pharaoh’s heart is hard; he refuses to let the people go.15 Go to Pharaoh in the morning, when he goes out to the water, and you shall stand by the river’s bank to meet him; and the rod which was turned to a serpent you shall take in your hand. 16 And you shall say to him, ‘The Lord God of the Hebrews has sent me to you, saying, “Let My people go, that they may serve Me in the wilderness”; but indeed, until now you would not hear! 17 Thus says the Lord: “By this you shall know that I am theLord. Behold, I will strike the waters which are in the river with the rod that is in my hand, and they shall be turned to blood. 18 And the fish that are in the river shall die, the river shall stink, and the Egyptians will loathe to drink the water of the river.”’”
19 Then the Lord spoke to Moses, “Say to Aaron, ‘Take your rod and stretch out your hand over the waters of Egypt, over their streams, over their rivers, over their ponds, and over all their pools of water, that they may become blood. And there shall be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, both in buckets of wood and pitchers of stone.’” 20 And Moses and Aaron did so, just as the Lord commanded. So he lifted up the rod and struck the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh and in the sight of his servants. And all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood. 21 The fish that were in the river died, the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink the water of the river. So there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.
22 Then the magicians of Egypt did so with their enchantments; and Pharaoh’s heart grew hard, and he did not heed them, as the Lord had said. 23 And Pharaoh turned and went into his house. Neither was his heart moved by this. 24 So all the Egyptians dug all around the river for water to drink, because they could not drink the water of the river. 25 And seven days passed after the Lord had struck the river. (Exodus 7:14-25)
Lord, thank you for the words that you are placing in my mouth. I pray they are words of life and light to all those around me. Please help me find my voice when I’d rather remain silent but need to speak!