I was standing here in my kitchen thinking about what I could write in my blog today. I was thinking about the journey my kids are on and in walks Gracie wanting me to blog about her. Little did she know I was actually thinking about her at that very moment. I was thinking about her and Emily and life and the journey each of us are on. The journey we are on together as a family and as individuals. I think sometimes as a mom, I forget they are on their own individual journeys. I forget that they are individuals with their own minds and their own hearts and their own callings. I forget they will grow up and have to make their own decisions about life and love and God. I’d love to make some of those decisions for them…but it isn’t my place. Sure, I can make plenty of decisions for them right now, but the ones I can make seem to pale in comparison to the big decisions they will make that will really impact them in the long run. I can teach them things. I can tell them about God. I can allow them to see what He means to me and how I choose to follow Him, but I can’t really do anything about their personal decisions to walk with Him or not.
I think about my own personal journey with Him and the moments I chose to walk without giving Him much say in what I was doing. I think of the trouble I got into and the trouble He kept me out of or protected me from. I think about those things and know they are a part of who I am. They are a part of my journey with Him. I look at some of those decisions and immediately think of my girls and their journeys and know they will be faced with decisions to walk with Him or ignore Him. I look around at the world they are growing up in and see things they are faced with that I was not at their age. I’m sure each generation has looked at the next one and been terrified of the “new” things they saw coming. I’m sure each generation has seen a shift in the culture that left them wondering how their children would handle the “new” temptations in front of them.
I’ve been watching my friends with kids older than mine navigate the journey’s their kids have chosen. I’ve seen them rejoice…and cry. I’ve seen them fret and stew…and then hand them over to God. I don’t know about anyone else, but no one bothered to tell me about the part of parenting where you get center stage to the journey of your own flesh and blood and you one day lose complete control…as if! Sure, I knew it would happen. I didn’t realize it would happen so soon. I didn’t realize the few years of real influence would be so short compared to the totality of their lives. Sure, I still have some influence…I still have some time. I just know that the time has already arrived for peer and cultural influence to begin to push me aside. So, I will do what I can and PRAY!! He loves them more than I do. He has their lives and their callings already written. I’ll take my place in the stands and pray and cheer and encourage…and snap a few pictures. Heck, I might even get a clicker and a bull horn and one of those foam fingers with their names on it just so they don’t doubt for a second that I am their number one fan!