Today was a very exciting day. I did something today that I have wanted to do for a very long time. I’m not even really sure how long I have thought about it. Years and years! I wanted to make sure there was meaning behind what I would do. I guess that is why it has taken me so long to decide.
About 2 years ago I knew the time was getting closer and the meaning was beginning to take shape. I had been searching for meaning in my walk with God. I had been asking Him some pretty serious questions. I was at a crossroads in my faith…to believe or not to believe. I needed to hear from Him. I needed to know He was out there. I needed to know He loved me. I had all this knowledge in my head which had been there for most of my life. I needed it in my heart. I needed to know He loved me just because I was one of His. I needed to know I was one of His. I wanted a faith that had substance. I wanted a faith bigger than Sunday morning.
I mentioned to a very dear friend how frustrated I was that I had been asking to hear from Him but felt like the prayers had been returning unanswered. In wisdom, she provided no explanations as to why I hadn’t been hearing Him. She didn’t give me a list of things I needed to change about myself or a set of rules I needed to follow. She simply said, “We will ask Him,” and then turned and went on about her day. I have no doubt that she talked to Him about that very thing because within days I had heard from Him. He answered my questions and my seeking with just one word that would encompass all of what I had been wrestling with and He directed the answer straight at me in a way that I would not miss it and I would not doubt He had said it to me.
That one word would change the course of my walk with Him, but He still had more. He still had plenty more. He finally had me on my own journey with Him. He finally had me on a path that led me to His heart. He had my attention. He had my heart.
I then got a chance to spend some time at a weekend retreat in Colorado with a group of over 350 women who wanted to hear from God.They all wanted to know His heart for them. They all wanted to walk more closely with Him. That is a powerful place to be. The worship that takes place in an environment like that is incredible. It is a slice of heaven.
Again, I found myself in a place of frustration. A place of needing some answers. A place of needing to hear from Him. A place of wanting desperately to feel His presence in a tangible way. An unmistakable way. Through prayers offered up for me, with me and over me, He answered. He filled my heart and soul and mind with a knowledge of Him that again could not be mistaken or denied. He filled my heart with a song that would replay as if it were a broken record for a solid 12 hours. He wasn’t gonna let go. He wasn’t gonna let me leave until I knew all that He was and is and will be for me. He removed distraction even as I was trying to be distracted. As I released a flood of tears to Him, He took me to a place where He would show me in scripture all that He was. He began to highlight all the things that I needed for that moment with promises of all that He would be for me from then on.
The words to The Revelation Song that echoed in my head were “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.” Funny thing is He had been revealing scriptures to me for weeks leading up to this weekend that would all come together in prayers and with this song. I’ve had songs stuck in my head before, but this one was stuck in my heart. This one was with me as I fell asleep and as I woke up. I have no doubt it was playing the whole time I was asleep.
So, I had made another huge step on my journey with Him. I had heard from Him again in a mighty way. A way that changes everything about you. A way that changes your whole life and your whole perspective. I knew for the first time on a new level in my heart that He loved me and would never let me go. It wouldn’t be a piece of cake. He had shown me plenty of scriptures about who He is for me to make me know I would need to rely on Him like never before and for the rest of forever.
So, what does that have to do with today? Well, I now had meaning for what I wanted to do. I now had meaning for the symbol I wanted to become a permanent visual reminder. Yes, He is stamped forever in my heart. I have been sealed in Him, but I still had something I wanted to do.
I wanted a tattoo and because of some of the prayers and scripture He led me to in those days, I knew the symbol had to be a bird. The Revelation song that had been playing in my mind and heart was sung by Kari Jobe and when I saw the cd cover, there was a bird. I initially wanted that one, but it wasn’t just exactly right. The search has taken a bit of time and since it will be permanent as long as I am here on this earth, it needed to be just right. So, I found it and gathered some of my friends who walk this journey with me. I have one or two others that I wish could have joined the party because their friendships are intertwined in this season and story, but they could not all be here. I hope to see them soon.
So, here is what I chose as a symbol of all that I have just shared. His color was chosen because it symbolizes joy and that is something God fills me with daily and has been pointing me to in this season of life.
This morning as I drove out of my neighborhood, a blue jay flew in my line of sight. I just had to smile!