It’s official! I’m in panic mode. I didn’t want to admit it, but it’s true. No, I’m not asking for advice, or a tidy list of things to do to make me stop. I don’t want to know what book I should read next to make it stop. I’m sure I’ve got one in my stack or on my list that would meet the need. I’ve got google and could search for a topic that would likely fit my situation. No, for now I’m venting. I wasn’t going to use my blog as a place for that, but it’s all I’ve got to share right now and it is a piece of what makes me, me, so you may as well know.
Pondering is usually a great way for me to sort stuff out. Blogging has been a good place for me to put those wandering ponderings into a sensible order. In fact, it has helped me sort out some of the fluff and get down to the meat of the matter. I’m hoping this panicky pondering ends that way too.
So, what would this ponderor be panicking about that has resulted in a total brain fog the past few days? Parenting! I’ve become a panicking pondering parent!
The details of the cause for the panick are unimportant. I’ll just say, I’ve become panicky about my ability to do this job. I’ve become panicked about my ability to lead these little peeps thru the maze of this stage of their lives. I’ve become panicked that I will fail at this job and they will head into the crazy, shark infested waters and be eaten alive and it will be my fault. I’ve allowed the pesky, panicky voices to take over the rational thoughts in my head and replace them with all the doubts and fears and dread that one pondering panicking parent could imagine.
I know better than to panick. I know these challenges are just a part of life with pre-teen girls. I know this too shall pass. I know this is only just the beginning. I know all of those things and I know Who will take care of all of these things if we will just give them to Him. I know all of the cliché things that will be said to make me stop the panicking and get on with the parenting. Shoot, I’m sure, I’ve said a few of them out loud to others. I’m sure I’ve read them somewhere sometime.
As I ponder the parenting panick, it occurs to me that this is another step in the process of life. Another step in learning to live in the tension of life. I don’t want my kids to make bad decisions. I don’t want them to have to suffer the consequences of those bad decisions. I want them to choose wisely. I don’t want to have to sit back and watch them make mistakes and fall and be heart-broken. I don’t want to see them get angry and hurt themselves and others by their bad choices. I don’t want others to see them fail. I want what every parent wants. I want to see them happy and healthy and on top of the world. I want to see them playing and laughing and having a good time. I want to see them enjoying life.
I will settle down. I will stop panicking. I will get on with the parenting and get these peeps to the other side of this crazy maze. I won’t be able to do it as a pondering panicking parent. I don’t have the strength for that kind of parenting. It has been draining and it’s only just begun.
So, today, I will place my panicking ponderings into the hands of the One who knows what to do with them. I will find a place of peace in knowing that He will guide me through this maze and I will give Him my children’s hearts and learn to trust that He will guide them and me as we make our way through on this journey. I’ve been in a panicky pondering long enough. It’s time to lay these things down, tell the voice of confusion and fear and panick to take a hike and get on my feet and walk the parenting path that He leads me on. It’s time I replaced panicky pondering parenting with purposeful prayerful parenting.